The Devious Book for Cats by Joe Garden

Author:Joe Garden
Language: eng
Format: mobi, epub
ISBN: 9780345513847
Publisher: Random House Publishing Group
Published: 2008-10-19T21:00:00+00:00

* * *

8:00 P.M. Airplane Flyover

Marvel at how a speck that small can make such a loud noise.

* * *

9:00 P.M. Star Trek

Your neighbors are watching the episode where Spock becomes a hippy.

* * *

10:00 P.M. The Opossum

The creature returns to root through the garbage, looking for any food that may be left behind. Horror.

* * *

11:00 P.M. Sign Off

The programming day concludes when your person draws the blinds.

* * *

Catfight! Five Moves You Should Know

Most of the time, cats are pacifists. Fighting expends a lot of energy that could be put to use investigating the garbage. We prefer to live, pester, nap, and let live. It takes a lot for us to lose our cool.

But sometimes even the best-tempered of us are pushed to the edge and forced into a catfight. As much as we hate to admit it, cats who are not you can be jerks, and some of them will pick fights with you even if unprovoked.

It can happen on the streets. For a surprising number of us, the aggressor is someone we’re close to, like a neighbor cat, or a relative. It might even be one of the cats we live with.

Most of the time you let it pass. After all, a lot of these kittens and young toms don’t know any better. But then somebody comes along and intentionally sits in your shade spot. Somebody purposely licks your bowl of melted ice cream. Somebody unexpectedly comes flying at you from a corner while you’re taking your 11:30 nap.

However it goes down, there’s only one response to affronts like these, and that’s to open a can of kitty whoop-ass and let the fur fly. You may not have started the trouble, but you’re going to finish it. When it’s time to scramble somebody’s eggs but good, it’s time to bring out your inner alley cat.

FIVE MOVES YOU NEED TO KNOW

One Paw Clapping: This is an aggressive, offensive striking maneuver that almost every cat employs at one time or another. To execute, you’ll want to get very mad at the other cat. Then, use an open paw to repeatedly whop that cat in the face. One Paw Clapping is a move best performed standing on your hind legs, but a cat can be slapped silly from any position.

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